PAN: Would You Just Stop That?
by Psycho-Neurotically Disturbed
Summary: From the Creators of "P.S. Do Goldfish Become Hollows?" and "Cannibalism is for the Hungry" comes a story of two unlikely friends who would rather not be friends.  Passive Aggressive Notes are exchanged between Isshin and Ryuuken, the worst of roommates.
1. The First Note

It was a common occurrence to see notes scrawled on post-its and stuck to doors in the dorms of the Karakura Institute of Advanced Medical and Health Sciences . Some of them were complaints, others reminders. Some where just for fun. However, no door held more scraps of paper than that of Room 203.

Ishida Ryuuken and Kurosaki Isshin were as unlikely roommates as they came. One a calm, cool, and collected student and the other...Isshin...was, well, cool in his own way. One a non-practicing Quincy and the other an ex-Shinigami. They had less in common than an astronaut and a lamp maker. However, if the two were aware of the other's secret profession, they never actually mentioned it. They both knew. Neither of them were that stupid.

As luck would have it, the school's sorting program landed them in the same dorm room, sharing a small bathroom and an even smaller kitchen. They always had to leave a window open to relieve their tiny dwelling of over-powering spiritual pressure. Isshin never mentioned all of the crazy artifacts Ryuuken had lying around and well, if Ryuuken stumbled across Isshin's lifeless gigai a few times, he definitely didn't mention it to him. It was just wishful thinking after all. A Quincy couldn't be _that_ lucky.

* * *

><p>Passive Aggressive Note<p>

**PAN: WOULD YOU JUST STOP THAT? **

by

PND and JudiKicksHiney

**The First Note**

AN: We do not own or claim to own any of the characters or anything to do with Bleach. Huzzah!**  
><strong>

* * *

><p>THE NOTE:<p>

Dear Ryuuken,

I'm sorry, but I had to borrow your stethoscope while you were out. Unfortunately, I left it on the roof of some gas station...I don't remember which one. If you check the news, it's the one that randomly exploded around elevenish this morning? Great, thanks again for letting me borrow it.

Isshin.

THE REPLY:

**Isshin. **

**Stop stealing my shit. You're buying me a new stethoscope or I'm going to ring your neck with that disgusting tie you wore yesterday.**

THE BUILD UP:

Ryuuken, have you seen my dinner? I left it sitting out for twenty minutes while I was in the bathroom and it disappeared.

**Isshin.**

**I assumed you had left another mold covered plate on the table and threw the entire thing away. Please excuse the error.  
>...I'm using sarcasm. I hope you're smart enough to understand it.<strong>

Har har, I'm not as dumb as I look.

**I'm glad that you can admit that you look stupid. It's almost enough to make me proud.**

Yeah, Mr. Good Looking-I've-Got-A-Stick-Up-Every-Hole-In-My-Body, I hope you're proud, because I might have set your thesis paper on fire.

**Isshin, when I catch you I will kill you. **

You totally missed me while I was in. You were asleep, so I took a call for you. It was that hot chick you're always talking to. I told her you were too busy with school for girls, but I got her number for you anyway.

**I loath you. But thank you.**

THE CLIMAX:

Did you eat all of the peanut butter?

**Check the cupboard, idiot. Second shelf on the right. We should have another container of it.  
>On another note, stop desecrating my thesis. I don't want to have to edit it again.<strong>

Edit it? It was so great I almost turned it in myself! Oh wait...maybe I did.

**...If you did, I'll do more than kill you, Isshin, I swear to whatever god you believe in.**

...haha, you're funny, Ryuu-kun. I made you lunch for today. PB&J! Why would I turn yours in? Mine was a better read.

**I've been working on that paper for weeks, Isshin! You idiot! Do. Not. Come back to the room tonight.  
>If I turn mine in now they'll think I didn't take the time to write my own paper. I need to figure out a new topic and finish my thesis in twenty four hours. <strong>

I don't see how they'd think that.

**...****I hate you.**

I didn't actually read your paper. I'm sure it's great, buddy.

**I'm sure yours is...adequate**.

AWWWW! THANKS, RYUUUUUU! ;)

**Right. You haven't gotten me a new stethoscope.**

I told you where it was.

**It BLEW UP.**

You should have seen it! It was **AWESOME**.

**You blew up a gas station. I'm not even asking you how it happened. I refuse.**

I'm didn't blow it up. A scary monster did it!

**I'm sure****.**

You know, you're really sarcastic. Oh! And** FUNNY! **because you know I don't have the money to buy you a new stethoscope.

**Because you don't have a job.**

I'm a full time student.

**You're an idiot.  
>Good luck on your test.<strong>

Yeah. Good luck with the Future Mrs. Ishida.

**We've only gone out twice, Kurosaki. Don't call her that.**

Well, you won't tell me her name.

**You'll do...something. I don't trust you.**

I'm as sweet and innocent as a baby.

**If by baby you mean a baby devil. You're out of control.**

Am not. You're just stuffy.

**I'm not stuffy, I'm studious.**

That's worse than being stuffy.

THE CONCLUSION:

**I'm not continuing this conversation. You're an idiot.**

BAH.

* * *

><p>Good? Bad? Should we continue? You decide.<p> 


	2. The Second Note

Passive Aggressive Note

**PAN: WOULD YOU JUST STOP THAT? **

by

PND and JudiKicksHiney

**The Second Note**

* * *

><p>THE NOTE:<p>

**Isshin. **

**The explosion at the gas station. The one where you blew up my stethoscope (buy me a new one, ass). Do you remember it? I hope you do, because the police came to our dorm today to ask me about it.**

**Idiot.**

**I told them that my stupid roommate borrowed it and all I knew about the explosion was that there was one.  
>So. Expect a phone call from the police. Happy interrogation, Kurosaki.<strong>

THE REPLY:

I wasn't the one who blew up the building. It was a monster with big teeth. Stop blaming me.

THE BUILD-UP:

**It must have been one extreme monster.**

It was. Come to think of it, it might have been your sister.

**I wouldn't say things like that about my sister, Isshin. Things like that get back to her.**

Because her little brother's a big, fat tattle tale!

**No, because this conversation is being carried out through Post-Its on the front of our door.**

Stop being so realistic. It's boring.

**I will continue to be realistic in the hope that it will possibly bore you to death. I would love to have the dorm to myself.**

They'd probably replace me with that Kanonji kid you hate.

**...I hate you.**

**On a different subject, my toothbrush is missing. You haven't blown it up, have you? If you used it to clean the toilet, your Hawaiian print shirt is doomed.**

Which one? I have dozens.

**All of them.**

Bastard. No, I haven't seen your toothbrush.

**I hope you're not lying. Those hideous shirts are not worth saving. They're abominations. A lot like that Kanonji kid's cape.**

I like his cape. It's got flair.

THE CLIMAX:

**Your lack of taste alone should be reason enough for me to get away with murdering you.**

I'm keeping these notes as evidence in case you do end up murdering me.

**Don't lie. You're keeping these notes because you think you're witty.  
>Never mind that it takes you almost two days to reply.<strong>

Complimenting yourself because no one else will? Hah.

**Complementing myself? I think you read that last note wrong.**

At least I know the difference between compliment and complement.

THE CONCLUSION:

**Isshin, if you ever attempt to take me to one of **_**those**_** places ever again, I will not take responsibility for my subsequent actions.  
><strong>What's wrong with _those _places. Those "girls" were all over you.

**Don't.  
>Kurosaki, I do not ever want to be reminded of last night. <strong>

"Oh, Ryuuken! What a manly name." "He's so pretty. I'm jealous." "Ryuu, do you have a love-ah!"

Bwahahahaha! Kurosaki! I do not know how you did it, but seeing Ishida drunk and covered with men-ladies was the most momentous event of this school year! Who knew he was so cuddly?

Bwahahahaha!

**This is completely justifiable homicide.  
>I am absolved of all guilt in the double murder that is about to take place.<strong>

I know! I almost wanted to cuddle him myself! Joking!  
>Ishida-kun, you can't kill me just because you're a lousy drunk.<p>

That must be one monstrous hangover! Bwahahaha!

_**Kanonji. If you dare to stick another post it on our door I'll ruin your cape. **_

What a scawy thweat, Wyuu-kuuuuun!

**Every time I see your black eye and swollen nose a feeling of satisfaction warms my heart, Kurosaki.**

Who knew such a ladies man could open a door so hard?

**Indeed.**

* * *

><p>AN: Yay! Note number two with guest PNAs by Don Kanonji… I hope he wasn't also attending medical school. That's just a scary thought. Thanks for all the reviews!<p> 


	3. The Third Note

Passive Aggressive Note

**PAN: WOULD YOU JUST STOP THAT?**

by

PND and JudiKicksHiney

**The Third Note**

AN: Too lazy to do the Climax and junk, so just normal form with a special appearance by Shinji, woot.

* * *

><p>Ryuuken Ishida, where are you? Seriously, this isn't funny. It's been three days. Future Mrs. Ishida even came by to ask about you. She looked worried. Now, I don't care what you do in your private time, but if you make a pretty girl worry about you, you're just an ass.<br>Get that stick out of your ass and get back to room 203.  
>Love,<br>Isshin  
>P.S. I put this note up everywhere so that you would definitely see it.<br>P.P.S. If this is a young lady seeking a caring, young medical student, you will find him in the men's dorm Room 203. I'll be wearing a romantically patterned shirt and ready to woo you off of your dainty little feet. I'll be waiting.  
>Men-ladies need not apply...or Ryuuken. Sorry, but...you're not my type.<br>If the men-ladies are applying for Ryuuken. Room 203.

**Dear Isshin.  
>Contrary to your belief, I was not abandoning you, nor would I dare allow any hopeless romantic to fall into your completely incompetent hands. (If you read his message and are looking for a date, don't expect a romantically patterned shirt. Isshin is possibly blind.)<br>No, I wasn't abandoning you. If you'd checked your voice mail you would have known that I'd gone home for a family emergency.  
>The 'emergency' turned out to be nothing more than my idiot father needing someone to run his shop for him while he tried to charm a respectable older woman.<br>He failed.**

Gold digger! Way to go daddy Ishida!  
><strong><br>Please don't offer any sort of encouragement to him, Isshin. He does not need it.  
>P.S. I've made my disappearance up to my girlfriend. I'm taking her to a movie on Friday. Any suggestions?<br>...I forgot who I was asking. Never mind.**

I really enjoyed the cartoon movie with the fish and Don Knots...if you still couldn't think of anything charming enough for a lady.

**You would.**

Shut up, dumbass.

**These are post-its. I'm not actually talking.**

I hope your pencil breaks.

**I'm using a pen.  
>On another note, Isshin, Top Ramen's freeze dried vegetables are not a viable alternative for salad.<br>Stop trying to give them to me like they are. **

I don't like them and I can't bear to waste food.  
>Now, stop changing the subject. I thought of a comeback. You should take that pen and shove it up your-<p>

_Now, now, let's not fight boys. Hiyori's getting pissed off about all of the noise happening over her head. I told her I'd talk to the idiots upstairs, so stop slamming doors and stomping. And definitely rein in the S.P. You're suffocating people in your nasty Soul Reaper stench. Also, what's with all of the bad words? I had to rip "Ass" out of like twenty notes. _

**Isshin is the one stomping and slamming doors, but I'll talk to him about it.  
>As for the Soul Reaper bit...we have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.<strong>

_Sure you don't._

Did you mean 'Grim Reaper'? You aren't one of the freaky cultists, are you?

**We should avoid the neighbors, Isshin.**

I sort of am forced to agree.  
>...Good luck on your midterms.<p>

**You too, idiot.**

* * *

><p>End part 3! Thanks for reading. Judi and I appreciate the fans.<strong><br>**


	4. The Fourth Note

**Passive Aggressive Note**

**PAN: WOULD YOU JUST STOP THAT?**

**by**

**PND and JudiKicksHiney**

**The Fourth Note**

**AN: Sorry, this has been written since...January? I just never put it up. Sorry!**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Dumbass that I Room With. (That's you, Kurosaki.) <strong>

**There is a perfectly good door that we can use to get into our room. We're on the third floor. Did you really think climbing through the window was a good idea? I'm glad you sprained your ankle, idiot. Don't...**

**Nevermind. I wasn't worried anyway.**

**If you happen to see some of what might be your things decorating the campus...well.**

**I hope it takes you awhile to hobble around collecting them. **

I got the hottie teacher's assistant to help me pick up my underwear that somebody-_Ryuuken-_thought would make good lawn ornaments. I have a date on Saturday. She thought the Hello Kitty boxers were cute. She's apparently a fan.

**I still find it disturbing that they make those. Grown men with Hello Kitty fetishes should be on a watch list.**

Better my boxers than your tightie-whities. Geez, you have some sort of creepy obsession with white, by the way.

**I have no idea what you're talking about. I wear blue as well.**

Oh, two colors! Everything I've thought about you up to this point of time has been a lie!

**At least my clothes are clean. Wearing the same shirt four times before washing it is really quite classy, Isshin, I commend you.**

If it ain't dirty, don't waste the detergent.

**You spilled enchilada all down the front of one of them. You just couldn't tell later because the color the shirt was initially was the color of old enchilada sauce.**

I love that shirt.

**That shirt is disgusting.**

I'll buy you one just like it for Christmas.

**Just what I wanted.**

**That was sarcasm in case it wasn't clear.**

I'm an idiot, not stupid.

**God forbid I get that confused.**

I know, it'd be a devastating blow to your uppity tidiness.

**I sincerely hope that your uncleanliness ruins a romantic opportunity for you.**

If that doesn't, your bitterness will.

**I have nothing to be bitter about, aside from the fact that you continue to try to set me up with men who dress like women.**

**I have a girlfriend. **

**Stop that.**

But she thinks it's funny!

**You're a horrible friend. I sincerely hate you.**

I love you, too, Ryuu-chan.

* * *

><p>END PART FOUR!<p> 


End file.
